I'm pretty frustrated. I'm realizing now there is no one I could trust to make any of my ritual garments is Allen... Which sucks as Yule is coming upon me so quickly.
Make the world stop please? for just a moment I do not want to make any decisions. I don't wanna have to choose between people, or to have to more away from them. The people that were important to me, why were they always hurtful, to where I had to push them away just to get through the day? Without him there is always something missing, but without him there is always neglect, there is always loneliness. God, if you existed you could save me.
I'm not sure now what I will do for Yule. Somehow, it will feel too wrong to light a yule log in my usual wares...I don't know where or how I should turn or what step I should take.
Everything has me a bit stressed.
I need a gentle hand, sometimes.

"The people that were important to me, why were they always hurtful, to where I had to push them away just to get through the day? to wake up full of life i left him closer to me in soul so far away within reality I never understood the connection we shared, and everyday I look back, I look back on those times and I wonder what could have been as if it were years ago As I know I cannot go back my regret makes those days a century ago. giving me nothing but emptiness. isn't that why I left? making these connections fall even though they are not forgotten? Leaving me loneliness fragile as glass?"